God Does Provide

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

(Context being the halftime show of the Super Bowl which people say was an occultic/esoteric lovefest. I agree that it was, but look around at the culture. Ever notice what is on a Federal Reserve Note?) On the many choices and liberties offered in life: Being one who is aspiring to become a football coach (yet not knowing exactly knowing what is going to happen in the future), yes Walter Camp was a member of Skull and Bones. Yes there are ceremonial references to the Roman Empire. Yes, there are ceremonial references to the Roman Empire. Yes, people go nutso when their team loses. Yes, people may spent too much time watching TV and playing video games. There are many liberties in this life. There are varying degrees. Some people smoke. Others don’t. Some may had one or two cigars in their lifetime. Yet how am I going to function in this culture? By not letting any of my liberties go to one extreme or another. That can only be done by keeping my focus on God. Satan won’t tell us to commit murder or rape. Too clever and subtle for that. Food, drink, sleep, work, sex, relaxation, confidence, etc… These are all good things. But go to extremes in these and it becomes a vice.

On the male-female relationship: Men and women both want to be treated like royalty. We are even children of a heavenly King. The best way I figure is this: gentlemen, humble yourselves to treat her like a queen first and then she could cook you a wonderful meal. But don’t forget to share The issue is that in wanting to be treated like royalty, we end up treating others like pimps or prostitutes. The answer is pretty obvious: Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.

On people in general (and that includes all the rest of God’s creatures): On the outside, we are simple. But on the inside, we are very complicated.

One of the major reasons I indentify with redheads (despite not being one) is because I am the red-headed step-child in my family despite being the older sibling. There is much more to it than just being the physical beauty of female redheads

The ways of this world corrupt all of us and tend to make us blind and deaf. It isn’t that we are inherently bad people. But like Adam and Eve, we take on what is not ours (like wanting to have everything or know it all) and not hearing and seeing in the heart that God already provides.

We generally think of ourselves as physical forms with a heart and soul. But in fact “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, BEFORE you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 Notice how in our world, you aren’t born until after you come out of the womb. But in God’s eyes, He already knew you before you were formed in the womb.

Let at it this way: how long does it take for a baby to form before coming out of the womb? Generally nine months. Yet we don’t say that a person remains nine months for their whole lives. Perhaps 14 billion years ago, God created the mustard seed that would sprout into the hundreds of billions of galaxies we have today. God is always creating, molding, shaping, etc… Life ebb and flows. But our simple minds can’t grasp that concept.

“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh“.

I came to view God as being a gameshow host. This was the critical 2% difference. Heck, just this morning I was laughing at even some of the negative things (on the surface) that had happened this week (or any week), but it was simply part of the test. We say “I want it now” or “I want to follow my plans”. But in fact, my vision and head had been clouded by the worldview in my adult years. In my heart, I prefer a life of spontaneous combustion. God works in mysterious ways to test us. Life is a matter of perspective. In fact, God is a Giving Tree.

Why Do Hearing Impaired People “Not Get It”?

Although many people talk about hearing loss in terms of percentage, it is not an appropriate or meaningful measure of hearing loss. Hearing is tested across many different frequencies or pitches, from low-pitched sounds like thunder all the way up to high pitches, like a whistle.  It is very common to have more hearing loss at some frequencies than for others. Therefore, even if it were it possible to quantify hearing loss by percentage, for some people the percentage of hearing loss would be different at each test frequency, making it virtually meaningless when describing the overall hearing loss.

How hearing loss affects a person varies from individual to individual. Especially for children, it could also result in delayed social development/interaction skills. Speech and language pathology can be helpful especially depending on age (best for it to begin around birth to age 2.  But unlike what many people seem to think, it is not a cure.  Adults who had “normal” hearing growing up, loss it and then had to re-learn generally do better. The learned behavioral patterns have been set.

Hearing aids certainly help, but again it is not a cure.

Some people with moderate hearing loss can even do well without a hearing aid.  Many of them incorporate lip reading, sit close to the front in a room or take an observant role when multiple conversations are going on. What does not work well is the speakers turning away where their lips are obscured or people talking rapidly over each other.  But we find ways to compensate.  All we ask is for people to try to relate and to have patience.

Let Your Life Speak

I’ve been reading a nice little book titled “Let Your Life Speak“. I like everyone else has lived at least part of their life trying to conform to the world via career/jobs, teams, being part of an organization, etc… But then there was always a big part of me that was meant to be unique.  We make decisions based on likes/dislikes, the job market, talent, etc… But at some point, we have to listen to our hearts and know who we are first, not what we want to be. Feel free to check it out.

What Does It Mean To Be “Normal”

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:1-5

Normal depends on the context in which it is being used. Normal birth weight is supposed to be 6-8 pounds, but some of us are more or less. I was 3 pounds, 10 ounces at birth. Normal means playing with other kids which I did. Being an 70′s-80′s kid, I watched Black Sheep Squadron (I’m the Black Sheep of my family), Charlie’s Angels, The Dukes of Hazzard, etc…

I loved my G.I. Joes, Transformers, Thundercats, etc…   Yes I want my MTV. Still do

But you have to understand unlike “normal” kids, I was born hearing impaired and so I was inclined to miss things.            I also have a mind that isn’t content to just do one thing all the time.  There would be times I would adruptly break off whatever I was doing and wander off. Maybe it was to go climb trees. Maybe it was to explore in the barn or woods.  I would make mud puddles. I loved drawing castles, building snow forts and tree houses. Most people fear snakes because of what they read in Genesis.  I do not. I feel at home around animals.  I relate to children. I would not last long on an assembly line because it would be too predictable.  I want to get to know adults better, but I don’t relate to them as much because my adult life hasn’t meshed squarely as most adults would.

I have had a deep love for the past and future almost since I was born. Part of the interest came from watching Black Sheep Squadron or listening to my grandfather’s experiences as a medic in World War II. I would go on many family vacations or school trips to Mount Vernon, Williamsburg, Philadelphia, etc… I felt at home. I was also immersed in Nikola Tesla, Star Trek, Star Wars, etc…  When I was at the beach, I would pick up a single grain of sand and theorize that what if this beach represented the galaxy and this single grain represented a star? To read two decades later that scientists were estimating there could be hundreds of billions of galaxies didn’t surprise me at all. Plus to think that humans didn’t create any of it clearly goes to show that there is something much greater at work.

I played t-ball, basketball, baseball, and even went out for football my sophomore year. But even though I would give good effort, I wasn’t going to make the starting lineup. Too small, not talented enough, whatever. Short on size and talent, long on heart. I did normal things like graduate from high school, college, had career plans that ultimately didn’t work out, work this job and that job. I never married, don’t have kids, never owned my own house. I didn’t date in high school (too shy around girls). I also figured girls would prefer taller boys with more achievements where I would have been happy just to make it on the team.

Now I’m in my mid 30′s amongst 20 somethings working on a new career goal. I was basically the socially awkward kid who was an adventurer, astronaut, athlete, coach, cook, explorer, evangelist, historian, teacher, etc… I wanted to be all these things and more. I’m not an expert, specialist or great at any one thing. I’m all over the map. Even in my 30′s, I’m still developing, growing, learning.  Aren’t we all?

But I’m also seeing that especially in this real world, there is corruption, persecution, tyranny, the list goes on and on. I’m still trying to figure out how I fit in this world in this physical sense, but spiritually I belong elsewhere. In order to not give into the ways of the world, I still have a longing for the innocence of my childhood? Don’t we all? When I was a child, one strange thing (according to other people’s perspective) is to would pick the marshmallows out of my Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry or even Lucky Charms and would lay them on a napkin, eat the cereal first (sometimes with milk and sometimes without). After eating, I would then gobble up the marshmallows and eat them by the handful. I don’t have a rational explanation for it. I was following my heart.

I gather that people think I exhibit odd behaviors or have trouble figuring me out. Well guess what? I don’t have an engineered or scientific explanation for it either. I was a voracious reader even as a child, could type fast, and could memorize facts and figures. I found history fascinating when most kids found it boring or intimidating.  I am also an outdoors person, have a deep love for old movies and the process of making movies, music, and photography. I wanted to be Daniel Boone, Alfred Hitchcock and Captain Kirk.  I am not so easily defined into one category. I’m all over the place.

So in a nutshell this is my life so far.  I’m trying to remain true to myself and remain obedient to God. But I’m also trying to relate to other people with whom I may not have some of the common experiences. But surely we can find someway to relate even if we don’t line up nice and neat on everything. In the long run, we are all children of God. Now if only we could all remain humble.

Stop Internet Censorship

                                                                                                                                                For more information, you can check out Lamar Smith & MPAA Brush Off Wikipedia Blackout As Just A Publicity Stunt, Sheriff Mack Announces Lawsuit Against SPLC, Run for Congress, Banning Books, Banning Websites.

What Do You Hope To Accomplish in 2012?

“All of us are born for a reason, but all of us don’t discover why. Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.” Danny Thomas

The past ten years have been very interesting now that I look back on it. While attending college in the late 1990′s, I had aspirations to become a Movie/Television producer. I had visions of Capra, Hitchcock and Thalberg dancing in my head.  To make a long story short, those aspirations never took off.  I still have a desire to make a few movies, but I’m more grounded in that they don’t make em like they used to.  I had to get over this major stumbling block of wishing to have been around in another time be it the 18th century, early 20th or even the 24th.  I’ve gradually been learning to take life one day at a time.  Also after being a dedicated political activist from about 2001-2006 or so, I am not even going to be voting in 2012 nor working on any campaigns.  This will mark the first time that I have not voted since 1994.  I now consider myself an idealistic realist.  The solution is not in politics, but changing ourselves.

Now for the first time in a long time, I am starting to get somewhere.  As it turns out, I am a generalist in a world of specialists.  All my life I had the desire to play sports, but was never going to be good enough for one reason or another.  Maybe coaching is the way to go then.  I am also happier when helping others more than having things.  I wish I had the ability to have been a baseball or football player, but it was never going to happen.  So I focused on teaching fundamentals.  Doing animal rescues/transports  and observing coaches/teachers over the past two years helped me to realize that.  I would actually make a better coach or teacher than anything else.

Also over the past year or so after being too shy around girls in my teenage year and swearing off dating/marriage during most of my adult life, I have had the desire for a girlfriend and/or wife.  It is a long story, but I will trust God’s plan on this and everything else too.

I’ve also learned a good deal about my inner self in this past ten years:

I feel emotional pain, but choose not to show it
I am decisive and principled
I foster insecurities                                                                                                                           I crave intellectual and spiritual growth
I am a good listener
I have a hard time asking for help
I am motivated mostly by the intrinsic
I forgive easily

Beware of Your Shortcomings

Channel your energy into something positive

I have spent a fair amount of time during my walk with Christ engaged in spiritual warfare. The past year has certainly been the most challenging. I recently read The Bondage Breaker. This book gave me some more insight into spiritual warfare and how Satan manipulates your thoughts. Satan can’t read your mind. But the accuser can gather what your shortcomings are by observing you.

It may help to make an honest assessment of your shortcomings and write it out. That way you and Satan can be on notice. My potential shortcomings will be several: I still have a desire for a girlfriend and/or wife someday. I have now defeated the nighttime attacks that were happening for nearly a year. Satan knew that I had regrets over not having lived a full life as a teenager (didn’t date, shy, wasn’t good enough to make football team), and while I was not interested in marriage in my 20′s, I was having these desires now. Satan was pulling a one-two punch by making me think I missed out on my life while taunting me to rush in and have it now. Satan will be watching for what I do in the future hoping that I will get in over my head. But this scheme will fail too.  

Another vunerabilities will be financial. I am wondering just how my job prospects will be upon graduation with thousands of dollars in student loans. Then there is the possibility that this career change to coaching may or may not work out. After all I’ve had several career attempts/jobs that never lasted long. Then there is the plan to visit San Antonio for a convention and attend a Christian counseling session. This would be like putting on new armor that I alluded to in my most recent post. The opportunity to network and meet some friends would be a tremendous boost to my morale.  Satan is going to attempt to prey on my uncertainties about being able to make this trip. But it will get done one way or another. Another one of Satan’s attempt at instilling doubt/fear will fail.

The other vunerability will be to launch a flanking manuever in order to take out my support network. Satan will attempt to incite fear that people will abandon, betray me, doubt me, etc… Satan may have me being disappointed that I may not do well on a test, get overwhelmed with classes, or cause me to screw up somewhere. But yet again, because I will keep my focus on Jesus, Satan will fail again.  

 

My Journey

“Listen carefully. An upcoming important message may be subtle.”

I did receive this important subtle message recently and it was that Satan is now changing tactics. One of the most enjoyable things I’ve done is animal rescues/transports. It was on my most recent transport that I learned of this. Satan’s attempts at taking out me out in a frontal assault have failed. Now Satan will attempt to outflank me.

If you wanted to use the analogy of tank warfare, for the past twelve years, I’ve been like a Tiger I tank (don’t get distracted by the fact it was used by the Germans; just focus on my point), I’ve been in a defensive position with superior armor, and a stronger gun, but I haven’t used it yet. The shells from the Shermans just kept bouncing off. I would be rattled many times, but my tank has held up. By now, I could use a new tank and after being in a defensive positions for nearly twelve years (accepted Christ on March 18, 2000), I’m wanting to take the offensive. Satan knows this and thus explains the flanking manuever. I’m also on a timetable to receive a new tank that will be used to take the offensive. But just as now that a new tank is being brought to the front lines, Satan changes tactics. If I were to receive this tank, it would be a moral booster. Satan even tried a last-ditch effort with a heavy duty machine gun just a few days ago and yet it still failed to destroy me. Yes, rattled me some, but I still held. I will explain the significance of this move soon.

Having gone through Sanctification and now embracing my role as a liberator and teacher, Satan knows I’m a threat to his future plans. This is why I suffer. But I do not complain because I do this for God’s glory and I will be protected. Even in physical death, I will reap the benefits of salvation and claim a spot as a descendant of a king. Thankfully I no longer see the political system as a means for positive change. I don’t put my faith in people and their ways. Only in God. That being said, we should liberate ourselves from the system altogether and live by faith. ‘The one who is righteous will live by faith.’

So what has been going on? Basically in the past ten years, I’ve gone through a lay-off from Scripps Networks and my grand plan to become a great movie producer never took off. I work this job and that job and could never imagine myself doing it for the rest of my life. I even asked God what I should do and received no answer. I also had the desire to play baseball, football and other sports, but I was never going to be big enough, fast enough, talented enough to make it. I wasn’t even good enough to make the starting lineup on any team. My identity was saked in things I was never going to have. I felt cheated as I get to watch Dwight Gooden, Peyton Manning or even Alfred Hitchcock enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Over this past year or two, Satan knows that I have had strong desires for a girlfriend/wife. I have said or written as much. Satan also knows that I feel that I haven’t lived my life to the fullest. I was and to an extent still am an introverted, shy type. I was very shy around girls in high school due to have self-doubts regarding my hearing loss, speech impediment and being too small (5’6″, 130 pounds). I had the impression girls/women were interested in taller boys who were accomplished, had cars and money. I am now 5’9″, 170 pounds and better at socializing, but my resume would come across as unspectacular. It would look nice, but nothing that causes me to stand out. I am also misunderstood still in part because of my physical shortcomings, but also because I have a very different viewpoint of the world now. 

I began opening up in college and felt that I was going to go places especially after majoring in Video Production Technology at Pellissippi State Community College. But while I was getting better at socializing, most of my conversations were technical i.e. SMPTE color bars, calibrating editing equipment, or what not. My time at Pellissippi State were some of the happiest times of my life. But I also have fond memories of being a child. Nothing beats MTV, Saturday morning cartoons, and the Dukes of Hazzard. I also enjoyed Charlie’s Angels, Black Sheep Squadron and a number of other TV shows from that era. I have enjoyed old movies since childhood (but viewing was limited to an occassional VHS rental) and first became interested in Alfred Hithcock movies at around 16. I worked in the library for two years, checking out A/V equipment to be delivered to teachers, handled the live camera feed during morning newscasts, and even wrote a play based on Amos and Andy for a church luncheon for poor parents and their children. I will never forget seeing the girl who made a mess of herself with beanie-weenies and laughing at the play on stage. I was having dreams of being the next movie director or producer. After all, set your sights high and you can be anything you want to be. But nowadays, I realize the American Dream is false gospel.

During my childhood and early adult years, Central Baptist Church of Fountain City was my home church. Then beginning at 23, West Park Baptist was my home.  Something interesting happened after committing my life to Christ on March 18, 2000. I realized I wasn’t saved simply by being a member of a church or knowing a few stories. I was a political activist working for candidates like Michael Badnarik. I was truly devoted. But after the 2004 election, I was burned out and losing faith in people. I even laid in bed for a month only to get up to eat. Over the next five years or so, I worked a few other jobs and withdrew from politics. I barely spent any time on the 2008 campaign for that matter although I supported Ron Paul. This time around, I anticipate not spending any time on electioneering. I still support Ron Paul’s ideas on liberty. But liberty is much bigger than one man. It is a gift from God. It is just that we humans haven’t been good stewards of what God has given us. Thankfully I no longer see the political system as a means for positive change. I don’t put my faith in people and their ways. Only in God. That being said, we should liberate ourselves from the system altogether and live by faith.

I’ve always been a Baptist in name. But just in the past 10 years, I’ve truly immersed myself in its history and traditions. One of my favorite pieces of literature on Baptist history is the text of a speech given by Walter Shurden in 1996. I thought it was interesting that he used to teach at Carson-Newman. How ironic that I enrolled as a transfer student 2 1/2 years ago, using my video production skills to benefit the football team, have changed majors from Physical Education to Business and now to Religion. I’m seeking a career change to coaching, but now that focus has changed. My career change has now moved to an emphasis on ministry with athletics simply being the vehicle that will be used to pick people up. I’m starting to come to terms with and realize what God in His mysterious way has been molding me for. My journey while like a ship encountering storms at sea and monsters, I am in sight of land. But I will not disembark now. I will travel up and down the coast. Eventually I will step on land. But God will make the decision as to what path I take. I might start coaching at a high school. I might become a college coach. I may become an NFL scout at some point. But I will not get ahead of myself too much and rely too much on my own understanding. I have let go. God has been guiding me all along, I’m starting realize what is happening and have embraced it. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 

Next, I will write soon on my vulnerabilities, how Satan intends to exploit them and what defensive strategies I will use until my new tank arrives. I will be taking the offensive very soon

My 40 Day Fast

On Friday evening, I started on a fast that would last 40 hours. No it had nothing to do with the resurrection of Jesus. Besides, he was laid in the tomb on Wednesday and rose on Saturday fulfilling the sign of Jonah.

Basically the following is my journal entry making a note of symptoms and reactions to what I was experiencing:

Friday morning: Ate part of Thanksgiving leftover and went for a walk. Walked to the dining hall to see what time they opened again (Sunday at 4:30). I felt a presence in the room basically taunting me that I may have to go a whole day or more without food. This spirit was hoping that I would give into fear.

Friday 5:30 p.m: Ate last meal from Thanksgiving leftovers.

Saturday 2 p.m. : While on a walk on campus heading to watch a women’s basketball game, I started experiencing  disorientation. Objects in my view acted as if they were bouncing up and down. My knees were aching from walking. Slight headache while watching game.

Between 6-10 p.m.: experienced the following-some more disorientation, headaches, sunken tongue, slight memory loss, nerve feelings weren’t as acute, eyelids were getting heavy, muscles were weakening. Went to bed around 11.

3 a.m.: Woke up when I started experiencing some hunger pangs.

8 a.m.: Woke up, shaved and dressed for church. Ate again at 9:30. Quiche and strawberries. By 10, I had a stomach ache, then my body felt flushed and warm. I started feeling sleepy.

4:30 p.m.: Ate my first good sized meal in 47 hours. My body acted as if it wanted to reject food i.e. treating it as as foreign object. I felt like I was going to vomit.

Over the coming days, I will be blogging about experience with spiritual warfare and what I can expect to occur in the near future.

What Is The Deal With Joe Pa and Penn State?

Update: So this case gets more interesting. In addition to Joe being the fall guy, a District Attorney has been missing since 2005. Now he could have been abducted by UFO’s. But they usually return. Smells like a professional hit since he was getting close to uncovering a child sex ring that was being operated by the Board of Trustees. They are a very powerful group in state and national politics. They serve as a middle man between Jerry Sandusky’s organization and donors. The question I have is will the BOT ever be investigated? I doubt it since just about anybody can be bought. It will be up to the alumni, faculty, and students to put pressure on them to either resign or be indicted or both.

By now, everyone has heard about the allegations against Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky. This headline should be titled “Board of Trustees planned scandal to ouster Paterno”. This is where the real power in college athletics is. Whoever holds sway with the BOT and Athletic Department will usually get what they want. The fact of the matter is this: Like with Bobby Bowden, Paterno is getting old and he has been there too long. PSU hasn’t been nationally relevant in football since the late 1990′s. If these allegations occurred twelve years ago, why weren’t charges brought then? Timing is everything. Merely accusing someone of something is enough. This will give the powers that be an out to move in a new coach and thus generate excitement amongst the alumni, students and national media. I’m interested in knowing how many people in the DA’s office are also PSU alumni.

The media in general isn’t exactly run by the most ethical and honest people. It is one reason why I am not in journalism anymore and that was just for a year or so (newspaper reporter). Anything is done to generate headlines. Headlines brings in viewers and that makes advertisers happy. It also explains the jockeying for position in the conference realignment talks. Decency, honor, loyalty. Nice catchphrases. But in the end, it is all about winning.

So Joe, don’t let this cause you to be bitter. You have earned your way and you ought to ride off into the sunset. Let those who accuse you stand before a higher authority someday.